Saturday, January 11, 2014

Devine Intervention by Martha Brockenbrough Review

"There is a great legend of the guardian angel who traveled across time and space for the human girl he loved, slaying those who would threaten her with a gleaming sword made of heavenly light.

This is not that story.

Jerome Hancock is Heidi Devine's guardian angel. Sort of. He's more of an angel trainee, in heaven's soul-rehabilitation program for wayward teens. And he's just about to get kicked out for having too many absences and for violating too many of the Ten Commandments for the Dead.

Heidi, meanwhile, is a high school junior who dreams of being an artist, but has been drafted onto her basketball team because she's taller than many a grown man. For as long as she can remember, she's heard a voice in her head - one that sings Lynyrd Skynyrd, offers up bad advice, and yet is company during those hours she feels most alone.

When the unthinkable happens, these two lost souls must figure out where they went wrong and whether they can make things right before Heidi's time is up and her soul is lost forever.

Martha Brockenbrough's debut novel is hilarious, heartbreaking, and hopeful, with a sense of humor that's wicked as hell, and writing that's just heavenly."

There's a lot of things I can say about this book and most of it is just not good. I can see why many people rated it low on Goodreads. 

"There is a great legend of the guardian angel who traveled across time and space for the human girl he loved, slaying those who would threaten her with a gleaming sword made of heavenly light."

Great intro of synopsis. That part totally made me snicker with laughter. But it's true. There are some books like that, or legends like that. Let me think of some examples. Eh...I can't seem to think of any right now. Most of the books these days are the bad angels. Hush, Hush certainly counts even though Patch changes to Guardian Angel in the second book. 

Devine Intervention is quite annoying in humor, sick in the mind (especially with the one soul is rehab), and crazy in the Ten Commandments of the Angels, the dead, the living, etc. After about three chapters of Devine Intervention's humor, I am practically sick of it. It's like using a word over and over again. And what happens after reading it for the twentieth time? You get sick of it, you get bored of it, you tap your fingers in anticipation for a new word. Your eyes skim across the page, and your heart drops when you see that word yet another time again. 

That's pretty much what's happening in this book. And I wasted two or three hours of my life while I could had been reading something else. 

Oh well, life goes on. Humans die. Babies are born. Aliens try to kill us. Then zombies arise and they fail because of Neville. A few thousand years later, there will be only sparkly vampires left. 

Anyway, Devine Intervention (did you notice the spelling in Devine? Devine spelled correctly should be divine) is full of weirdness. Truth be told, I don't want to talk about it. (And this is where I will become monotonous. So you are welcome if you like to stop reading now). 

The plot in short version: Heidi 'dies.' She and Jerome goes off on a wild goose chase. Jerome loses her. Heidi is about to be killed (in soul). The angel comes in. The day is saved. Jerome becomes a baby. 

Yawn. Let's talk some more about characters. I hate how the POV for Jerome is first person while Heidi is third person. This is like Of Poseidon. Please don't make characters like this. Stick to first or third person. I don't care which one. Just be consistent. Moving on to Jerome. As I told one of my fellow readers, Jerome is a butt. A butt butt. I know you probably don't understand what this mean, but you have to think outside the box for this one. A pity most people use cuss words without knowing the true meaning of the word (Usually). 

Heidi is an idiot, too. That's all I need to say. 

*Bows* Thank you very much. Now I can sleep tonight. 

Rating: Two out of Five

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