Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Rumplestiltskin by Jenni James Review

"A young prince crippled by a witch—

When Fredrico watches his cruel family mourn his false death and announce to the kingdom their cursed prince has died, is the day he truly embraces his new life and new name Rumplestiltskin. How could he be known by anything else? —His skin is completely rumpled and stilted now. He hides away from the king and queen and grows up as a crippled servant in the castle.

Years later, his younger brother, Marcus, becomes king and humors Aubrynn’s father when he boasts that his daughter can turn straw into gold. Intrigued Marcus locks the distraught maiden in a tower and declares to the kingdom that if she can transform the straw, he will marry her, but if she cannot he will kill her father.

Rumplestiltskin is determined to help Aubrynn save her father and marry the king. Now, if only he can remember to keep his real identity a secret and not fall in love with her himself…"

Okay... I have a problem with fairy tales. Not because of the characters. Not because of the annoying and evil stepsisters. No, it's because of loose endings and odd moves by characters, who seem to have no motivations.  

Take Cinderella, for example. Why did the prince fall in love with her that fast? He doesn't know her, but falls immediately in love with her beauty. It's a plot hole and don't give me that "true love at first sight" shit. What about Red Riding Hood? Why Grandmother is living alone? In these fairy tales, loopholes, plot holes, and loose endings are annoying, taunting, and irritating. That's why I read fairy tale retellings. BUT! What makes me really upset is that there's a freaking no-motivation move by one of our beloved character! Why would he rescue her? Why? I don't see the reasoning behind that. It's making me so agitated. 

Rumplestiltskin, the book, reminds me of the television show, Once Upon A Time. (Oh, how much I love that show. I love Rumple and Belle, so much!) Of course, there are some differences. Unlike Rumple, Fredrico is wasted away with an ugly hunch in his back and memories of his favorite dead maid in a castle that is wrongfully taken away from him by his family, the Royals including his little brother King Marcus. Like Rumple, Fredrico is able to cast spells, but only with the help of magical stones, unlike Rumple. I don't know if Rumple has beautiful eyes or not, but apparently, from Aubrynn's POV, Fredrico has these gorgeous soulful eyes. (Does that thought make anyone else want to throw up? I know I want to.)

Let's get to the girl. Aubrynn's father is ruined by drinks and spells of alcohol. (Apparently bad parents or evil siblings is a style of Jenni James.) The family's mill is sinking deeper and deeper into to debt, thanks to King Marcus's high taxes and Aubrynn's father's reckless and careless drinking. At a meeting involving something, most likely taxes and golden money, Aubrynn's father drunkenly takes the stage and brags how Aubrynn can spin straw into gold. Obviously, the amused King Marcus appeals to gold, so he decides to lock Aubrynn in a room of straw and forces her to spin straw into gold or else.  

Blah, blah, blah. I don't care about that. All I care about is the cheesy ending (and chemistry but we'll get to that). Are you serious, Jenni James? Can any ending surpass this in its cheesiness? *Sigh* I wish these books, written by Jenni James, has a little more action and death. So disappointed. 

The chemisty. I'm getting sick of this. Anyone noticed that after peeling off the names and slightly different conflicts, the chemistry is basically the same. Yeah. I don't have anything against recycling, but these books of the Faerie Collections are really pushing my limits and mental defenses. Reading like three of these books is pushing MY, MY, MY limits. If I have a printed copy of this book, I'll toss it to the nearest working fireplace and stomp on the black papers, grinning with every moment.  


Fredrico is this dashing, remembered yet forgotten, living prince. (Aren't they always dashing?) He's smart and intelligent. He knows his limits and has a strong sense of self-preservation. Fredrico however, is slightly disappointing. He should have spent more time plotting to overthrow the false King and reclaim his rightful place on his throne. Alas, no, he squandered most of his years as a servant! (I am saying this in Draco's voice, from the Harry Potter movies.)

Aubrynn is pretty much reckless and useless. I'm sorry for saying this, but this is what I truly think of her. She basically had Fredrico doing the heavy lifting.

Rating: Two out of Five

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