If You Find Me by Emily Murdoch Review

"There are some things you can’t leave behind…A broken-down camper hidden deep in a national forest is the only home fifteen year-old Carey can remember. The trees keep guard over her threadbare existence, with the one bright spot being Carey’s younger sister, Jenessa, who depends on Carey for her very survival. All they have is each other, as their mentally ill mother comes and goes with greater frequency. Until that one fateful day their mother disappears for good, and two strangers arrive. Suddenly, the girls are taken from the woods and thrust into a bright and perplexing new world of high school, clothes and boys.

Now, Carey must face the truth of why her mother abducted her ten years ago, while haunted by a past that won’t let her go… a dark past that hides many a secret, including the reason Jenessa hasn’t spoken a word in over a year. Carey knows she must keep her sister close, and her secrets even closer, or risk watching her new life come crashing down."

Wow. This book is stunning. Dark yet also light. Pretty yet also with ugly secrets. Every page reveals a little more of what is unexpected.

This book is the best I had read in quite a while. It is mindblowing. Every word, every sentence, every paragraph will echo in the reader's head.

Carey... The main character who is the victim with a lot of dark secrets. She is the one narrating the book. Carey gives a little information one bit at a time. It's also as if she is afraid of what the reader might think of her. Carey is a perfectly balanced character. She is light and kind and protective. But she is also dark, shameful, and full of guilt. She balances all the responsibilities her mother gave her. She is badass. (She could fire a shotgun. Badass, for sure.) Carey has a unique view of the world. She believes that a certain of group of people are like that, but they are not. She slowly learns that there are good people in the world. Not everyone is as horrible as she thinks. Carey is slow to trust people because of the time she spent in the woods. Carey's big secret was dark, yet Carey doesn't realize that her secret isn't really dark at all. She is just guilty, but it isn't her fault. Carey, like a lot of women in the world, is slow to forgive things. Carey is such a complex character with a lot of depth like the Pacific Ocean. And she is only fourteen years old. Totally like a huntress.

Jenessa... Carey's sister (biological). Who couldn't fall in love with a girl like Jennessa? She is so adorable. Jenessa is six years old. She seems much more mature than how old she really is. I wish there are more six year olds like her. The world of six years old will suddenly be a whole lot more cuter! Jenessa is selectively mute. The why question? Because of Carey's dark secret.

Del... Carey's other sister (by marriage). And evil stepsister. I love how her attitude change throughout the book. When Carey discovers her sister's dirty secrets, Carey and her stepsister are a little closer to each other. They are friendlier. I love the character change.

The plot was good. The twists and turns can make the reader's jaw drop all the way to the ground. Some of it was just outrageous in a good way, of course. Many of it was shocking. Other twists and turns, you'll have to put the book down just to catch your breath because the twists/turns were...shocking and mindblowing and... Just WOW!

I mentioned that Carey drops a little of her past bit by bit right? Every little word or sentence or even paragraph will echo in the reader's mind until they can process it. Actually, even if the reader can process it, the words will echo for a very long time. The darkest secret was so dark that I shut the book and didn't start reading it again for a long time.

I love all these little references to Winnie the Pooh, Emily Dickinson, and other famous poets. These little references totally helped me understand the story. The little sections of poems and references to Winnie the Pooh somehow made the book a little more realistic.

SPOILERS (Skip this section if you didn't read this book)

1) Carey's darkest secret:

She killed a man. With her shotgun. Because he was a threat to Jenessa and Carey. He wanted money and Carey's mother.

2) Jenessa will start talking again.

3) Del's secret:

She is sleeping with some boy in her school. Del's a Sophomore.

4) Carey and Jenessa attacked.

End Spoilers

This book's rating is a five out of five.